Is Your Therapist Worth Trusting?
Mental Health is a growing issue, but can we trust those who claim to help us heal?
The first time I was in a therapist’s office I was 28. The first time I took my kids to therapy, they were 8. Times are a’ changing. With the growing epidemic of mental health issues and the correlating rise of mental health awareness, I thought I’d take some time to check in with the profession in charge of bringing us to social and emotional peace. To be curt, I don’t think your therapist is helping you as much as you may think.
Therapists Are Victors of Educational Gatekeeping
Over 60,000 dollars. That’s how much your therapist paid to get both their bachelor's and master's degrees in order to sit in that chair across from you. I’m not saying that a degree in psychotherapy isn’t enlightening, I’m sure there’s a lot in those overpriced textbooks that could help folks out. What I am saying is that the people who can afford to get one are at a distinct advantage. In America, our educational system benefits those who have money. Those who get degrees are not necessarily who is the most qualified, driven, or intelligent.
The unfortunate consequence of that it means a less diverse group of “educated” people. The black student college graduation rate is 48 percent, in case you’re curious, that’s 22 percentage points lower than the rate for whites.
Sure we can say that everyone has access to education, but talk is cheap. In reality, white, wealthy elite are more likely able to have the privilege of learning about our psyches and going into practice. Our system has deemed them more qualified. Unless you’re a racist, that’s bullshit.
The result is that person helping you manage your relationship with your parents may not actually be the most qualified to do so. 86 percent of the US psychology workforce is white. With this racial imbalance comes some real consequences. In fact, Black and African American people are more often diagnosed with schizophrenia and less often diagnosed with mood disorders compared to white people with the same symptoms.
How much can we trust a profession that continues to let this inequality slide? If we’re looking to improve our mental and emotional well-being, why would we trust the byproduct of a corrupt and classist system?
Therapists Get Paid
Is money actually the root of all evil? The jury is out on that one. But surely money is a key motivator in our everyday lives. If you’re like me, even small decisions, like whether or not you got coffee on your way to work today, we’re because you were aware of the number on your bank account.
Surely I would never suggest that someone not get paid for their time and efforts. I think anyone adding value to this world deserves to receive value back. However, I think we need to take a look at the implications of a looming paycheck.
I had a job in college at a department store. At this store, I received $5 for every credit application that I had a customer fill out. I was a broke college kid, I wanted more money to throw at pizza delivery on late nights, and so I hustled. Time after time I was a top performer in my department, sometimes receiving an extra $100 per check because of my efforts. Does that mean that I believe in credit cards? No. In fact, I actually think they can be pretty detrimental to someone’s livelihood. And yet, because someone gave me a financial incentive, I hustled my little heart out trying to talk anyone I could find into overspending and thinking about the implications of a 24% interest rate later.
One thing I think we can agree on then is that money talks — and it’s talking to your therapist too. Therapists get paid when you need help, not when you don’t. I’m optimistic that a majority of therapists would say they also like helping people. But I also think that a great number of therapists enjoy the perks of seasonal depression rates increasing when it comes to doing their own holiday shopping. They get paid when you are unwell. Whether conscious or not, that means there is a financial incentive for them to keep you in an unhealed state.
Therapists Are Attached to Healing You
If the financial incentive wasn’t enough, your therapist is also attached to healing you. Of all the careers in the world they could’ve chosen, they chose this one. They invested their time, energy, and money into a degree. They proudly write “LMHC” on their resume. They join organizations, attend conferences, and find camaraderie in their career. All in all, that’s a lot of their own identity they have tied up in being a mental health savant.
There’s a famous Buddhist quote that says, “The root of suffering is attachment.” The more we feel about what we eat, where we go, who we’re with, or, in this case, what we do for a living, the more suffering it brings us. The tricky part is that it’s pretty human to be attached. We get sad if someone we love is sick, we get worried if we’re running out of coffee, we get mad when someone cuts us off in traffic and we’re running late. These are all attachments. Like many of you, I’m pretty attached to the world being a better place. (Spoiler alert: that’s why I write articles such as this one).
Therapists also have attachments. The biggest? Their ego. Their identity, what makes them “them”, is intrinsically linked to being a mental health professional.
This attachment can have some real consequences. When we engage in a system where someone is “rescuing” you from your own reality, we create “victims”. There is no need for superheroes without damsels in distress. In therapy lingo, they would call this transactional analysis. For a more colloquial understanding, I can’t recommend enough the book The Power of TED by Dr. Karpman.
It starts small of course. Let’s imagine you go to your therapist to talk about a bad day you had at work. You receive validation from your therapist and feel better. You leave feeling validated. Your therapist leaves feeling accomplished. It doesn’t seem so bad. The next time you have a bad day at work though and your next appointment is a month away? Then what? This dynamic fuels dependency. Superheroes can’t take days off. Victims will always feel helpless. The drama continues.
Therapists Aren’t Your Friends
Therapists' attachment to helping you wouldn’t be wrong though. In fact, it would be normal for a person to have a life’s calling. I’m writing this article right now because I have an attachment to writing and I love sharing my thoughts. It’s not immoral to be human.
The issue comes though when we decide that mental health professionals well… aren’t. When is the last time your therapist vented to you about their bad day at work? Has your therapist ever unpacked their own childhood trauma with you? If there isn’t mutual disclosure, then these interactions aren’t really “human” at all.
Their very code of ethics echoes this sentiment. Joy Natwick, ethics specialist for the American Counseling Association said “Self-disclosure should be regarded as a tool to engage clients and help move them toward their treatment goals. If it would have any other outcome, it is unlikely to be the correct intervention to use”
Genuine human connection is not an intervention or a tool. It is an act of love. Anything less is dishonest and manipulative. Your therapist is not your friend if they’re manipulating you.
Final Thoughts
I guess you’d assume this is where I tell you to say “screw therapy” and never go back to talking about your problems with a counselor. The truth is I think there is still a lot of value to be had from the knowledge therapists have, the time they can provide you, and the interests they have in helping you get better. And surely, seeing a professional would be the move if you feel at all unable to handle life’s challenges on your own and have nowhere else to go.
I share all this with the intent just to open your eyes to the system of mental health. Perhaps we would all be better off if we say therapy as the next step, but not the final step. Treat your counseling sessions as acute treatment and not ongoing dependencies- the same we would any medication or coping mechanism. There is healing beyond what they can provide and it comes from within.
